Not all the persons around the globe can express themselves. A lot of things remain unsaid in comparison to the things that are said.
It was love at first sight. As she walked into the room ,my heart skipped a beat. We all were taught to behave. After carefully watching everyone around she stood beside me.And I was awestruck when she chose me. I did a little merry dance in my head. That was the dawn of my love story.
She had Nick named me as ‘Pikachu’. Sounds stupid! Well for a guy in love,stupidity is the other name of cuteness. She finally introduced me to her family.That was a moment of victory for me. Her parents asked her to take me to her room. she not just took me to her room,she introduced me to her world.Her diary,her table, everything.Then after I got free pass to her room.My world used to brighten up seeing her she smile. N Everytime she came to me, she used to flash a smile at me. Every small thing she did use to drive me crazy. Her care for me , her undevided attention which I thought to be her undying love for me, was everything I had ever wished upon a star and a lot more.That was until she turned 18. The span of our time spent together began to shorten. I felt … Well I don’t know what I felt. Jealous!! Yeah that was a feeling but that didn’tt sum up my emotions.Betrayed!! Nah,Somewhere deep down I knew she would never consider me as her lover. Neglected!! Yeah that was the word. That was the thing , negligence.It hurt me more than her anger. But I chose to be silent. They say na ‘if u love someone let her go.If she comes back she is yours if not the love was never yours to claim’. I let her go , but with a promise that whatever may come I would always be with her.
She came back. Yes she did.But she was heartbroken. She cried on my shoulder. Holding on to me like I was her only life line. She beat me ,slapped me . I had an urge to hold her tight. But I could not,for I knew she still loved that one person who broke her apart. She shared her pain with me. That was a relief,to know that she trusted me more than anyone in the world. I let her hold me tight,thinking”If that brings her solace let her find it in me”. Many Sleepless nights she spend in my arms.The growing dark circles reminded me the time when the light in her eyes used to shone like a star.She was no longer the girl whom I had known all my life. She was transported to some Iceland of her own. She had blocked everyone , except me. How could she block her best friend!?
Then My girl returned. Finding her own self, defeating her demons. There were subtle hints that she was not completely happy. But she was trying to be. That’s what mattered. Ain’t it!? Sometimes You know what you want,at the mean while you have the knowledge that the thing which You want is reserved for someone else. What should I have done!! Fight for that thing, knowing that defeat is inevitable! Sorry! I couldn’t do that. Coward !! Yeah Call me Coward if u want, but I couldn’t bring myself to fight for her. She was slipping away from me. I knew her so well that I could tell her heart beats for the one she had truly loved. I was just a friend. Not just a friend , a best friend. I was happy that I was in her life. Atleast I could see her smile n cry. Atleast I could lend her a shoulder to cry on. Atleast I could share her pain. I couldn’t bring myself to confess my love for her. Not when she was in the middle of the war within herself. I didn’t want to add more chaos to her already mismatched life. Yeah I admit I was the one who didn’t put a step forward so I shouldn’t get to cry over her. I’m not crying over her I’m crying with her. As her tears soaked the bedspread,mine dried in my eyes. I wanted to be the solace in her life. Yeah it was the classic case of ‘friendzoned’. Yet I was content .As they say
Sacchi mohabbat sayad wahi hey
Jisme junoon hey,jisme junoon hey..
Par do Dillon k yaari mein v toh
Kitna sukoon hey,kitna sukoon hey…
Then the day finally came when all my rights on her officially got demolished. As I watched him putting vermilion on her forehead and a sweet shy smile spreading over her lips my eyes moistened but my lips took a upward curve. Couldn’t bring myself to turn away from her. Her marriage which was supposed to b the deadliest day of my life turned out to be less painful than that. After all I thought could detach my self from her and could move on.
But!! She wasn’t ready to part from me yet. No, she wasn’t selfish. She just wanted me to meet his partner. Who unaware of my feelings towards her greeted me as a family.
She named her new born after me. I was so happy. She told me that she loved me more than she had ever loved anyone. I was the one who was beside her in every situation. She wanted her son to be like me. That was the best day of my life.
As for today ,when I’m taking my last breath I’m happy that she is holding me. She and her son were playing pillowfight. As the cotton float in the air I saw her laughing.That was more than I can ever wish for …
Yeah! It’s never easy to love someone without receiving it back. It’s never easy to be a leaning shoulder and not having one for your own. It’s not easy to know someone you love could love another one with the intensity that hurt you back. It’s never easy to hold back your emotions and not to express your love. It’s never easy to work your whole life without being appreciated. yeah! it’s never easy to be a ‘PILLOW’!! It’s never easy to know that your departure could bring smile to someone’s lips. It’s even harder to know that you’re replaceable.
As I finally closed my eyes all my life flashed in my eyes….
Mehfil mein Tere hum na rahen Jo
Ghum toh Nahin hey,ghum toh Nahin hey…
Kisse humare nazadikiyon k
Kum toh Nahin hey.kum toh Nahin hey…
Kitni daffa Subha ko meri , Tere angan meine baithe meine Saam Kiya..